Thirst for Intimacy: Taking Matters Seriously

In the previous post, we discussed the different ways by which men and women experience intimacy.

As a quick review, I gave a quick summary about the stereotypes perpetuated by different forms media and I explained how those stereotypes are not purely illogical. The basic form: men experience intimacy physically, women emotionally.

Of course, both genders experience intimacy through both methods which concludes my discourse on the thirst for intimacy (for the time being).

It is obvious that men and women both experience physical and emotional intimacy. Otherwise, there would be no men that bear their souls and no women that have sex. At least, neither party would enjoy the other activity.

For some reason, though, whether it is physiological or otherwise, men and women flock to their respective forms of intimacy as they try to fulfill that craving for closeness.

In the last post, we talked about how that affects each individual’s struggle outside of relationships. We gravitate toward those expressions which come most naturally to us. In a lot of ways, the individual remains in that realm which is most comfortable, familiar, and easy to understand. Because we gravitate toward those things, we create barriers around those other aspects which we feel are more complicated.

From observation and discussion with others, it seems apparent that men will protect their emotional side because it feels so much more complicated, but men will not be nearly as afraid to demonstrate their feelings and desire physically. In the realm of relationships specifically, men will not be so decidedly guarded about how far the relationship goes physically. There may be boundaries there, but they will tend to see them as far more important (or necessary) to cross in the terms of the level of intimacy within the relationship.

Again, from observation and discussion with others, women tend to be much freer with their emotions. They will guard their bodies and only allow a relationship to become physically intimate under certain circumstances, but they will not be so protective of their emotions. So, they judge level of intimacy within the relationship by the emotional connection.

The result is that both genders place a very high value on that type of intimacy of which they do not completely understand. They do not understand that intimacy because it is not the most natural means by which they secure that intimacy. That which comes less natural is then placed high up on a pedestal. When a man reaches out to make that emotional connection, it is a very important step. On the flip side of the coin, when the woman decides to engage in the physical, it is monumental as well.

I find monumental to be a very appropriate term because of what I have witnessed and experienced during break ups.

Women are adept at making emotional connections left and right without feeling anything particularly overwhelming. Of course it’s not painless, but in the end, a woman can reestablish that emotional connection very easily with another man because it comes so natural.

Men, well, men make that physical connection much more easily. So, when they lose that person with whom they made that connection, it is not all together difficult to find someone else and start it over again.

Both men and women will lament and miss that which they lost but can really easily replace it in the end.

However, when a woman does go through the trouble to make that physical connection and that relationship ends, there seems to be much more anguish, frustration, or anger that lashes out once that special person is suddenly no longer present. For a man, that agony will lash out if he has endeavored to form an emotional bond.

That confusion often takes place because the connections are very special to their respective genders. It is a connection made with much difficulty, dedication, and unease.

This analysis is very broad and certainly more or less generalized. It is by no means a final word on the subject, and perhaps I will discuss it more at some point.

I do, however, want to get to the main point of why I decided to actually write these last two posts. As the title implies, I believe that we should take this matters seriously.

Men and women tend to be very flippant and make those connections which come naturally far too haphazardly. I think that relationships, in general, could be much healthier and much more durable if we realized placed a deep importance on both of these connections. Instead of maintaining a nonchalance concerning these connections, we should start taking matters seriously.

I may be romanticizing relationships as something that should be more than a reasonable, logical union, but based on what I have felt and witnessed others feeling in the face of losing those close to us, I believe it is well worth considering, possibly even acting on.

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